Category Archives: A Pilgrim
Serendipity, Coincidence, Karma, Spirit??
Go Rest High on That Mountain
Serendipity, Coincidence, Karma, Spirit?
Earlier this afternoon I was walking on the treadmill as the temperature outside was/is much too cold to be enjoyable. I was clipping along at a mere three mile an hour pace and not my usual three and half per hour as I was reading from the iPad perched atop the trusty clear plastic book holder resting on the treadmill dash. The clear plastic book holder is essential as it allows me to see just how fast and how many calories I am burning as I continue my lightening speed walk. I was reading a review copy of The Gospel According to Facebook: Social Media and the Good News. I was having a bit of difficulty reading the book, none of which has anything to do with the content of the book – the PDF format and my ineptness with the iPad. Apparently, I have yet to adequately refine my tap, touch, scroll, swish, and flip skills. Touch anything anywhere and everything moves or disappears!
I found myself repeatedly having to start over and scroll through pages of content to locate where I was in my reading. Suddenly the screen again went black and I could not retrieve the book. With somewhat of a bit of frustration – not extreme because I was beginning to tire from walking – I stepped off the treadmill. However, as I did I began to hear music and was confused as to its origins – TV off, radio off, stereo off. I then realized the music was coming from the iPad, turned around, took it off the treadmill, and turned the volume up. The music was familiar. The screen was still black. As I continued to listen, I recognized the tune as “Go Rest High on That Mountain” by Vince Gill. I recognized it because it was the one song my Dad had requested to be played at his funeral. And it was played at his funeral service on October 31, 2012. It is a song that has become very special to me over the last fifteen months.
With a few more random touches and taps on the black screen the iTunes Radio app appeared and revealed an image of Vince Gill and his When Love Finds You album cover while the song continued to play. But, how did it get there? I have never used the music button on the iPad, and the only time I have used the iTunes app is to purchase a couple of kid’s games for the granddaughter. I’m still scratching my head on that one! I continued to listen to the song, thinking about Dad, and asking how and why that song. Whoa! Out of the blue, “What day is it?” Today is January 28, 2014. Dad died, passed away, transitioned – however we choose to express it – on the 28th day of the month, October 28, 2012, to be exact. Dad’s song inexplicably starts playing on my iPad fifteen months to the day after his death. Now what is going on there?? I must admit it feels just a little weird!
I really have no idea. I do know that in this pilgrim’s journey I have learned to view such unusual occurrences as more spiritual events as opposed to mere serendipity or coincidence. Whether that be true or not, the mere perception of a spiritual moment cultivates and enriches the discernment of the Spirit within me, the Spirit outside of me, and the Spirit surrounding my life. And for today, the spirit of my Dad spoke to me in a very special, unique way. For all these things I am thankful.
Now, if I can just get the book to come back up – a small thing indeed!
A Winter Hike!
Note: In December 1992 I took a winter hike — a hike that had considerable impact on my spiritual journey and influenced my future interactions with people and my surroundings. In all honesty I WAS probably your Type A personality attending to details, task oriented, and focused on “getting the job done.” The winter hike was an experience that I will never forget as I realized the importance and value of looking up and around, taking time to be aware, and experiencing the fullness of the moment whether that moment be filled with breathtaking joy or gut wrenching agony. After the hike I learned that we were in Queen’s Canyon and the falls is called Dorothy Falls. I picked up the photos from <wwwlamsonadventures.com/queenscanyon/ You will discover why as you read the story. They are a fairly good representation of what the hike was like with the exception that there was more snow on the ground during the hike than in the photos.
“In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you. –Leo Tolstoy
A Winter Mountain Hike
Last December I had the opportunity to be at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center just outside of Colorado Springs, Colorado, in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. This was my first time to be in mountains of this type, and I was quite awed by the whole spectrum of mountain majesty.
The week was filled with conference activities; however, one afternoon was left open for us to have a bit of free time. There were several options as to how to spend that afternoon. We could go into town to do some sightseeing and/or shopping. We could take a narrated tour of the conference facility. We could take a hike, or we could take a nap. My friend and companion for the conference, Judy, and I decided to take a hike. We were eager to be outside and wanted the physical activity after several days of sitting. Also, the hike to the end of a small adjacent canyon was highly recommended. The waterfall at the end was said to be a splendid sight.
Judy and I stuck with our original plan to hike even though the weather during the day continued to worsen. It had snowed intermittently throughout the week and with the continuous below freezing temperature there was a mounting accumulation of snow and ice everywhere. Walking about was becoming a bit more treacherous. As we began our hike toward the end of the canyon the sun was shining. It was cold, and there was a slight but harsh wind. We had prepared with hiking boots, double socks, long thermal underwear, heavy coats, earmuffs, scarves, mufflers, and gloves. Off we went! It was mid-afternoon, the sun was shining, and we had a mere one and one-half mile round trip hike before us.
We were told that there was a well-marked path to follow, and if the marked path was not obvious simply follow the small stream that flowed down the canyon. The path was easy to find and follow. There were sections along the first portion of the trail that were actually catwalks built to make traversing some small ravines easier. This was not too hazardous; however, there were a couple of times that I was thankful for the handrails as I slipped on patches of snow and ice. We were thoroughly enjoying ourselves, chatting about the sights and sounds of the running water, and occasionally reminding one another of the need to be careful. Judy was in the lead, and I was following.
As we concluded what I would consider the bottom quarter of our journey, I noticed that the catwalks and handrails ended, the path became less obvious, the incline became more obvious, and I became much more aware of the effort and exertion required. It was necessary that we keep our eyes on the path and watch our footing. The path was rocky, and although the snow enhanced the beauty of the terrain and the crunch under foot was a delight to our ears, it made the path slightly deceptive. I found myself testing every step unless I was able to place my feet exactly in Judy’s steps. This did not happen too often as she is built a bit different than I, and I often find myself taking two steps to her one.
The stream that the path “followed” was in essence a part of the path itself as we crossed it numerous times weaving from one side of it to the other. The hike would have been much shorter had we been able to simply travel in a straight line. Crossing the stream was perhaps the greatest challenge. Keeping my balance, trying to keep my feet dry, and testing the rock or log I chose to step on for firmness might be considered an athletic feat as well as a work of art. The stream crossings were most assuredly those times I tried to follow right in Judy’ steps. We both had our share of slips, stumbles, and near falls, some of which went unnoticed by the other and those noticed always followed by a concerned, “Are you okay?” and the gentle reminder to be careful. I remember at one of the crossings the rock I stepped on turned, and the slip gave me such a fright that I actually released a stunted scream.
At some point during the first half of our excursion. I became more acutely aware of my growing exertion and decided that I had to stop for a few moments. When I did, I straightened my body, raised my head, and looked up. What I saw was a sight like I had never seen before. My response was “Oh, Wow! Judy, look up.” The towering red rock walls on the east side of the canyon glistened in the afternoon sun in stark contrast to the cold we felt in the shadow of the western wall. It felt as if the canyon walls went straight up and touched the flawless blue sky. Almost immediately after catching the beauty of the sight, I was disappointed that I did not have my camera. I had dropped and broken it just prior to our leaving on our hike. The disappointment was abated by the assurance that I would always have the memory of this experience and its exquisite images in my heart and mind.
We continued our trek; however, I was much more conscious of my surroundings. While negotiating the path, my attention and focus had to remain on my feet, the rocks, snow and ice, and the increasing number of small trees and limbs along the way. However, I chose to stop, look up, and marvel at the majesty around me much more frequently. “This is awesome. This is gorgeous. Look at this! I can’t believe this. I’ve never seen anything like this. Oh, wow!” These are just a sampling of the exclamations that poured forth with each look up and around. Judy was not quite as verbal, and I reminded myself that she had been here before. At one point I thought to myself, “Brenda, how many times are you going to say, ‘Oh, wow!’” My response was “As many times as I feel like it.” I was seeing and experiencing something I had never seen or experienced before, and given the limited travel I had done to this point in my life, I might not ever see or experience again. My childlike wonder and awe were acceptable both to me and to my friend.
As we continued to the end of the canyon, we met a couple of folks on their way back. One had turned back before reaching the end. The other encouraged us with “It is well worth the effort.” We might have been beginning to wonder about that, or perhaps we were just beginning to feel the effects of the cold and the climb more as we responded by asking, “How much farther is it?” We were assured that it was only a few more minutes. We continued.
The climb seemed to be getting steeper and the path a bit harder to negotiate. It was definitely colder. The stream, which had once been just that, a running stream of water, was now frozen over. The only hint of a stream was the sound of gurgling, running water beneath the layer of ice. We continued, and the anticipation of reaching our goal heightened as we could hear the rush of the waterfall. Suddenly, there it was – the boxed end of the canyon and the waterfall. However, what we saw was not the waterfall we had anticipated, but something much more beautiful and spectacular. We saw a frozen stream of water and billows of frozen mist and water spray. I described it as a cascade of angel hair. It was a snowy white set against the darkened red rock. There were a couple of smaller falls lower and to the side that seemed meek compared to the large central fall. It was a paradox of stillness and motion, for beneath the still of the icy fall and pool was the rush of the water. It was as if the sound of the water betrayed the face of the ice. We rested there sitting on a large fallen tree trunk for a few minutes. I wanted to absorb it all – the icy fall, the running water, the billows of angle’s hair, the stalwart canyon walls, and the sunlit blue sky. I lay down on the tree trunk even though it was very uncomfortable. I wanted to just look up. I wanted to see the big picture of God that He so graciously gave to me that day. I saw beauty, softness, and warmth. I saw firmness and paradox. I saw strength and steadfastness. I saw protection. I saw majesty, love, and a loving God that day because I chose to look up.
We were quiet as we rested and only spoke occasionally to point out something we saw or to affirm God’s goodness and presence. It was getting later. The whole canyon including the eastern wall was now in shadows. It was colder, and we both commented that our feet were beginning to be a little uncomfortable with the cold. The wind was picking up also. So we rebundled ourselves, particularly our faces, to protect against the wind, and headed back down the path. The hike down was much like the hike up and perhaps slightly more perilous as the descent seemed to cause a little more slipping. At one point we had to backtrack just a bit as we had taken what we thought to be the path but it went nowhere. We traversed the stream numerous times again without mishap, noted some foliage that would be pretty in a dried arrangement, and, of course, continued to look up, however, not so frequently.
Closet Cleansing
I did some closet cleaning a couple of days ago. Was that one of my “resolutions?” I don’t know about that, but it certainly needed doing. Closet cleaning is not an event that I, nor I would think anyone, yearn for with great anticipation; however, often once I am in the process I find it to be quite “cleansing.” If I am not careful, I can easily revert back to some “old ways” of holding on to stuff and things and find myself overwhelmed. In relationship to stuff and things I have tried to establish a standard. If I have not worn it or used it in two years, I don’t need it. Why on earth do I still have it?
I begin by pulling out all sorts of stuff and things and creating an absolute mess. Hey, I thought I was cleaning? In the pulling out process I ask several questions about each piece of stuff. First the two-year standard question, then if I don’t need it, could it be useful to someone else? Remember one man’s trash could be another man’s treasure, or, more to the point, another’s shirt on his back. So, there is a pile designated Goodwill or one of the many other benevolent “clothes closets” in our community. There is a pile for trash – it is worn out, does not work, or otherwise totally useless. Then there is the pile for “sentiment” things. You know, the stuff and things that memories are made of – that was so special at that time or place, blah, blah, blah. Can I bear to throw it away? As if throwing it away would erase the memory and its meaning! Really??
So I pulled out, sorted, piled and tossed stuff and things for several hours. The results, not counting my aching back, were more usable space, more order, a sense of accomplishment, and the added bonus of finding some things I had been looking for and some things that I had forgotten I had. Which brings me back to the question if I had forgotten I had them, do I really need them? Probably not!
So, what’s the connection between closet cleaning and our spiritual journey? Well, as I see it, and I don’t always see things clearly, pulling out, sorting through, and determining what to do with our stuff and things can be a grand opportunity to take stock of where we’ve been on our journey, how where we’ve been has impacted us, and where we might be headed currently. Also, stuff and things are often associated with experiences, relationships, and feelings. Did I say emotional baggage? Perhaps, emotional closets would be a more appropriate expression since we are talking about closet cleaning. Do I need to hang on to that old hurt? Is this grudge I continue to carry around helping me now? Yes, that was a wonderful time then, but do I want to spend today and the future dwelling on the past? Yes, I made a mistake at that time. Isn’t it time, now, to stop beating myself up about it? You get the point. Time to clean out all the emotional stuff and things that hinder, hurt, burden, confuse, distort, and distract us from living in the fullness of who we were created to be. Time to clear the chaos and bring in some order. Time to make room for the joy, hope, love, happiness, and, yes, the sorrow, disappointment, and struggle of each new day.
So, how is your closet? Is it time for some closet “cleansing?” Yes, it requires some effort, and the results are well worth the effort – in my opinion.
Reflections on a Resolution

It is both awesome and humbling to reach an appointed destination and look back and see the road traveled on the journey.
Teton Pass El. 8428 ft.
June21, 2998
Reflections on a New Year’s Resolution
I did actually sit down and begin this post on New Year’s Day, January 1, 2014, but was distracted and played “Tag, You’re It!” (see previous post) instead. Oh, that I had resisted the distraction! Anyway. . .
In considering the resolution thing for the New Year, I am baffled. Yes, there are some things I would like to do/accomplish in 2014, but do I really want to “resolve” to do them, or as Nike so aptly put it, “Just Do It!” My record with resolution making/keeping is mediocre at best. Hopefully yours is better! Yes, I would like to lose 15-20 lbs. Isn’t that the trendy resolution these days! I want to spend more time writing, and I really need to clean out those closets. And, I always want to spend more time outdoors kayaking and hiking, but given where I live, that usually involves more travel time. Yes, I would like to travel more in 2014! So, there you go!
But, hey! I really just want to be, be present in the moments, behold the Christ within me and those around me – be they lover, friend, family, or a stranger in the midst. Who knows what the New Year will BE – until it actually IS?
I did clean a closet yesterday and found this – a personal journal entry dated:
JANUARY 1, 1995 – Sunday
I am not much for New Year’s Resolutions. It always seemed rather peculiar. Committing to do something just because it was the beginning of a new year. But I suppose we all like the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate. My experience has been that give a week or two and the whole idea has been forgotten. The old familiar pattern of doing things has crept back in. Actually, it never was out. So, no resolutions for me!
Today as I baked cup cakes and danced around the kitchen, I felt a serge of excitement about the approaching new year. Outrageous! That’s it! No resolutions just a desire to experience life to the fullest in the new year. To live outrageously – extravagantly, remarkably, outside the bounds of the expected. Not moderately, mildly, or with mediocrity. But outrageously!
To live, love, and laugh outrageously.
To ascend to the pinnacle of joy.
To plummet to the depths of despair.
To smell the wind;
To feel the flagrant flower.
To see life in every view;
To know truth in every day.
To love sincerely, affectionately, and purely.
To honor self, others, and God in every way.
To work and serve both man and God.
And to do it all outrageously!
TO BE OUTRAGEOUS! FREE! RECKLESS! SPONTANEOUS!
That is my desire for the New Year – 1995.
Wow! That was nineteen years ago!! Looking back, I must say that 1995 was an OUTRAGEOUS year. It was a year of extravagant love and crushing loss. It was a year of intense personal struggle and soul searching. It was the year that shook the foundation of my life, my identity, and marked the beginning of a directional shift in my life and spiritual journey. It was a year that was devastating in the moment, yet invaluable and vital to who I am today. Don’t want to repeat it, but so thankful for it!
On second thought, maybe I will make that resolution for 2014:
A desire to experience life to the fullest in the new year. To live outrageously – extravagantly, remarkably, outside the bounds of the expected. Not moderately, mildly, or with mediocrity. But OUTRAGEOUSLY!
Uuuh, maybe not outrageous in the same way as 1995, but certainly outrageous for life in 2014! I can’t wait!! Just do it!
Beholding. . . in the Mirror
Note: As I have mentioned earlier, 1997 was a HUGE year for this seeker on the pilgrimage. I wrote this piece during that time as my journey made dramatic shifts from a focus on “doing” — Bible Study, church, the “right thing” — toward simply “being” focusing on quiet, contemplative prayer, and “practicing the presence” as Brother Lawrence said. The basis for my whole identity shifted from me — who I was, what I did, and how well I did it — to Christ. Not the church, not the Christian faith tradition, but Christ — who he was and is and living in union and communion with him. As my focus has shifted through the years, I have come to believe that the most important thing for me in my faith journey is becoming christian. Notice that is with a small “c” meaning Christ – like, and not necessarily the “C” of the Christian faith tradition.
Beholding . . . In the Mirror. . .With Open Face
But we all, with open face beholding as in a glass the glory of the Lord, are changed in the same image from glory to glory, even as by the Spirit of the Lord. II Corinthians 3:18 (King James Version)
As I study and meditate upon II Corinthians 3:18, I become more convinced that within it we are given the “recipe” for the christian — “Christ” — life. I use the word “recipe” somewhat with tongue in cheek for I know we as a society, as a nation, and as a people clamor for neat packages. We want to manage in one minute, improve our golf swing in five easy lessons, and become effective people in seven steps. I admit unashamedly that I have had my days of adherance to seemingly reasonable, simple step-by-step methods for efficacy and management of all areas of life.
However, over the past several years, and particularly the last two, I have increasingly experinenced that the “recipes”, for the most part, just don’t work in the vast complexities and mysteries of the processes of life. However, if we consider this a “recipe” verse for the “Christ” life, what are the basic ingredients and procedure? First, there is the individual, you and I. Second ingredient is the Christ, Jesus — the Lord — and finally the Spirit of the Lord. Rather simple thus far — me, Jesus, and the Holy Spirit. Now, what do I do with the basic ingredients!
I sit myself before Christ, the Lord , and I look at Him. Now, friends, this is not just a simple behold — lo, look, see. This is beholding! This is the Greek word katoptrizomai, a comparative of the word kata which frequently denotes intensity, and a derivative of the word optomai which means “to gaze with wide-open eyes, as at something remarkable”. So, here is the picture: I am sitting before the Christ intensely gazing with wide-open eyes at the remarkable Lord. I suppose the remarkableness would most definitely be His glory. What do you think?
Now that we are beholding the glory of Christ, the Lord , what happens? It is as if the Lord becomes a mirror, “as in a glass”. As I sit before the Lord, my mirror, the reflection, or the image I see of myself, is my true self created in His image. Even as I continue to still and humble myself before my “mirror”, my Lord, I am changed into “the same image”, His image — the image in which I was truly created. How in this world can just looking in a mirror change my image? I must admit that looking in the mirror most mornings does change my image, but not without a great deal of effort on my part and the application and use of numerous substances and devices. Blow dryer, curling iron, and several cosmetic products just to mention a few.
However, when it comes to being changed before the mirror of the Lord, the only things needed are that we come; that we come with “open face”; and that we be willing to surrender and submit to “the Spirit of the Lord.” In order to understand how we come with “open faces” or “unveiled faces” as used in the New International Version, it might be helpful to look at II Corinthians 3: 12-17. In these verses we are told that we have a hope, and with that hope we can be very bold before the Lord. We do not have to put a veil over our face as Moses did to keep the people from seeing that his face was losing the radiance which was received while in the Lord’s presence. You can check this out in Exodus 34: 33-35. Under the old covenant during Mose’s time he was the only one, as God’s appointed leader, who could be bold and come before the Lord. Now, however, we can be bold and come before the Lord with open face, receive his radiance, his glory, and then walk among men without a veil to hide the fact that the radiance is diminishing . In fact, we can reflect the radiance of the Lord to others. In essense we can become mirrors ourselves. We are to become mirrors as the Christ within is reflected to others.
Brothers and sisters! Perhaps I just got a glimpse of heaven Have you ever seen the bright reflection of a mirror in the sun.? So bright you can’t even look at it. Think of it. Revelation 1:16 tells us “His (the Lord’s) face was like the sun shining in all its brillance.” With the Son shining on the multitude of those who have been transformed into his image — those who have become mirrors, a “sea of glass” before the throne (Rev.4:6) — I can’t imagine the magnitude of the brightness. Nor can I fanthom my light sensitive eyes tolerating the experience. Just another reason for the necessity and the promise of our lowly bodies being transformed to be like His. Isn’t God good! He gives us a sight to behold and then he enables us to behold it. Speaking of beholding, let’s get back to the original idea of open (unveiled) faces. (Please do pardon my slight distraction while sharing in my excitement.)
We are not as Moses. We are not limited in who can come before the Lord, nor do we have to cover our faces afterward. Why? Look again at II Corinthians 3: 12. “Therefore, since we have such a hope, we are very bold.” What is the hope that we have? Jesus Christ — the Christ within, “the hope of glory.”(Col. 1; 27). So here’s the scoop! Through and because of the Christ within we can come boldly before the Lord, the mirror, and sit and behold the glorious image which transforms us into that same glorious image, the image we were created to reflect.
Now exactly how does this occur and how long does it take? Beats Me! Probably a lifetime, but I don’t know the answer for myself or anyone else. Returning to the recipe analogy, I am not the cook! (Thank God! Cooking has never been one of my strong suits.) Who is? “…even as by the Spirit of the Lord.” So even with the recipe the transformation into the “Christ” life for each of us is still a mystery. Given the mystery are we willing to be faithful in coming before the Lord? Are we willing to abandon ourselves and surrender the transformation of our lives to the mystery of the Spirit of the Lord? Are we willing to trust God, the Lord Jesus Christ, and behold Him with open face as in a glass and remain content to just “be” in His image. I find these to be questions I must ask and answer daily, sometimes several times a day!
We Shall Behold Him. . .
Note: In the Fall of 1997 I began a semester of Clinical Pastoral Education (CPE) training. The training involved classes and actual hospital chaplaincy work which I did for a couple of months before medical issues (detached retinas) forced me to have to drop out. During those two months I learned a lot about myself, felt God’s work within me, and gained a new perspective on God’s calling to live and be in the spirit of Christ in this world. I wrote the following relating an experience I had while doing the chaplaincy work — an experience I will never, ever forget.
WE SHALL BEHOLD HIM. . .
There was a faint “Come in” in response to my light knock on the door. As I entered the room I could see him lying in the bed. He peered through the bed railings as I moved toward him. At his bedside I noticed the stark contrast between his very black skin and the white, though not crisp, sheets. His lunch, barely touched, still sat on the tray table. I softly commented that he certainly didn’t eat much. He somewhat laughed and said, “I couldn’t eat that if I was well.” His laughing revealed the truth, only three misdirected teeth. I chuckled with him as I replied, “No you couldn’t.” We exchanged smiles as we were now both aware of the truth. His not eating had nothing to do with the food. I felt a warm affinity for this little black man with only three teeth.
As I visited with him, I began to notice his condition. His eyes were dark but not clear, with the white being more yellow than white. His almost hairless head sat squarely on fleshless shoulders. What hair he did have was wiry with a hint of gray. It stuck straight up and out from his head as if in defiance of any comb that came near. His gown was all awry uncovering the distinct outline of bone covered over only with tight black skin. The rest of his body was decently covered with the sheet; however the buldge was clear evidence of a swollen stomach. Later as I thought about it, I realized that his body was probably finally giving way to the ravages of the years and a “hard life.” We chatted a bit about how he was feeling — “Better than yesterday!” — where he lived, and his family. We were interrupted by the attendant picking up the lunch tray. She too commented on his not eating. He responded as he did with me; however, she did not understand. He and I chuckled and exchanged smiles again. I told her that he couldn’t chew the food. This seemed to focus her attention toward him as she uttered or perhaps gasped an understanding, “Oh!” She offered some menu options for dinner. He settled on chicken noodle soup, crackers, and jello. All of which he could probably manage very well with his three teeth. She left with tray in tow, and we returned to our visit which was nearing a natural end.
I asked if we could pray together before I left. He said that would be good. I then asked, as I often do, if there was anything specific that he’d like to pray for or about. His answer, “That I might just get better because I know I won’t get well.” At first I was startled by the acknowledgement of the reality concerning his condition. Here was a man who had the ability and the courage to express the truth of his life as he knew it. And to say it in a way that gets attention. He surely had mine.
With this last revelation he settled into deeper levels of honesty and personal pain. He was concerned about where he would go after leaving the hospital and even more distressed about being a “burden” to his children. I heard his feelings and was able to empathize a bit. Not that I, or anyone else would ever experience his reality in his way. Yet we all from our own varied experiences can recall feelings of anxiety, concern, and loss. How many times have I heard dear ones caught in the grips of illness, or simply and naturally aging, project their own sense of helplessness as a “burden” to their loved ones? The only words I could say to this one were, “I hear you”. Tears were brimming his eyes, and I felt their sting in my own.
“Where is your hope now?” He took his hand from under the cover and simultaneously tapped his chest and pointed upward. I asked if he knew Jesus. “Oh, yes!” was the response. I took his now uncovered hand in mine and prayed. I do not recall anything I said, but I will never forget feeling his hand in mine and the peace that was within and between us. He thanked me for the prayer. I thanked him. I left the room in awe of Roosevelt.
I made my way down the elevator, to the office to get my things, and out the door to the car. I was running a bit late for my next appointment. I had not intended to stay as long as I did with Roosevelt. I had the car radio tuned to the local Christian station as I drove back to town. I was more in tune to my thoughts than my driving or the radio. A review of the morning visits brought serenity and thankfulness for the whole process. I was remembering a recent conversation with a friend about meeting Jesus in the face of strangers when the song on the radio penetrated my thoughts. “We shall behold Him, We shall behold Him; Face to face in all of His glory. We shall behold Him.. . .” Emotions overwhelmed me. Tears flooded my eyes, wonder filled my heart. I wept as the truth sprang up and flooded my soul. I had beheld Him, today, face to face in the glorious face of a little black man with three very misdirected teeth and defiant hair. I beheld him today in Roosevelt. And just think, I almost missed it!
Yes, I almost missed it. I had been on the hospital floor for three hours. I knew if I made one more visit it would intrude into any lunch and “rest” before my afternoon appointment. I also knew, or thought I knew, that Roosevelt was a black man. This knowledge was born of nothing other than my experiences. All the Roosevelt’s I had ever known were black men or boys. This knowledge contributed to some anxiety about visiting him. In my short time as a volunteer chaplain, I had realized that I was more comfortable visiting with women than with men and the least comfortable with black men. I do not believe my uncomfortableness was based on anything other than my lack of experience. So I was stretching, growing, expanding my comfort zone, and that is usually uncomfortable at first.
The debate in my mind over making this particular visit was like a see-saw gone berserk. I won’t make the visit. It’s getting late, and I am tired. I’ll pop in for just a minute. It’s lunch time. He’ll be eating. I will excuse myself to allow him to eat. But I really don’t have time. I was at his door twice and did not knock. I completely left the floor once and came back. What made me finally knock and enter, I do not know. No doubt the Holy Spirit wrestling with my own self-centered, controlling spirit. I have learned over the years that when this struggle is so intense there is apparently something I need to do, learn, or experience from that which my spirit seeks to avoid. I suppose this was never truer than it was today.
How often before have I missed it? Probably more than I care to think or imagine. Yes, I believe we do miss resplendent opportunities to behold God in all of his glory in the faces of those around us. We become self-absorbed in our own agendas, busy with our never ending activities. We become self-consumed, and miss the opportunity to feed and be fed by the Roosevelts encountered daily in our lives. My prayer has become, “Jesus, slow me down. Jesus, open my eyes. Jesus, direct my sights out and around. Jesus, let me really see others. May I see you, Jesus, as I behold others. May your Spirit transform me with each sighting.”
“And we shall behold him, we shall behold him. Face to face in all of his glory.” I beheld Jesus, the Christ, today in the face of a very sick, truthful, and courageous little black man with three misdirected teeth and defiant hair. I was not only blessed but changed, never to be quite the same as before. I pray, Jesus, that he may have seen something of You in me.









