It has been over three months since I posted anything on this blog! I could say I have been awfully busy and I have with lots of things – hosting a baby shower for friends, babysitting the grandkids, lots of planning, preparing, and partying in anticipation of my son’s wedding, and making this DVD for their homecoming wedding reception. He and his bride were married July 4th in a beautiful ceremony on the beach in Cabo San Lucas, Baja, Mexico. Yes, busy with some of the really real stuff of life—relationships, children, love, marriage, and babies. I wish them all immense happiness.
But, honestly, I think these would be just excuses. I cannot say how many times I have thought about this blog and cringed that I had not posted. If you read the random things about PS, remember the #1 item was “I am a procrastinator. Start strong and sometimes struggle to finish.” Well, I have done it again! As I have thought about getting back to posting, I remembered what some of my friends who attend AA meetings have told me about relapsing, not attending meetings, and then the sense of shame and embarrassment they have to overcome to get back to the meetings and program — something they know they need/want to do. I’ve had some feelings like that! Why go back? It has been so long! What will people think of me? Ouch! That’s some of the old negative self-talk. It still rears its ugly head from time to time.
So instead of shaming myself, not returning to the blog, or making lame excuses I opt for honesty – with myself and any readers out there. And, surely, I am not the only person/blogger who has had these struggles. Or, maybe I am?
It is my experience that occasionally (no navel gazing), taking a good honest look at oneself and one’s actions is essential in our spiritual journeys. Our level of personal and spiritual growth is evidenced in what we do after that honest look. Honestly, do we move forward with new vision, insight, hope, and resolve. Or, do we remain in the shadows of excuses and old patterns of behavior. The choice is ours and ours alone!
Surely, hopefully, the next post will not be such a long time in coming!