Just A Thought!
Note: I was poking around in some “stuff” this morning and found this. I undoubtedly wrote it almost twenty years ago!! Yea, I have files of written stuff! Anyway, I still like it and claim the empowerment of Just a Thought. Thought I would share.
Just A Thought
I sometimes wonder, really I often times wonder. Truly, I spend a lot of time wondering. My wonderings bring me to questions. My questions lead me to thoughts. My thoughts most frequently go nowhere. That is my thoughts do not lead to answers. Neither do they resolve themselves in solutions. Should my wonderings bring answers? Beats me! Just a thought.
If in my forty-five years of wondering or pondering or maybe, just thinking I have come to an answer, it is simply, repeatedly, and conclusively that I have no answers. I do not want to have answers or THE ANSWER. I do not want that responsibility. Now aren’t I such an irresponsible rascal! Or, am I? Ooops, another question!
I have grown up, outgrown, left behind those days of seeking to answer my own questions as well as those that others or the world might put before me. I like to believe I have, anyway. Still, I might be deluding myself about that; however, I think not, I hope not. I most assuredly pray not. I suppose, now that I think about it, that answering questions filled a need for me. I was, still am in many ways, a needy person. Aren’t we all? Ooops, another question?
Having the answer(s) looked good. Looked smart at least. Unless, God forbid, it was the wrong answer. Wrong answers brought consternation, condemnation – mostly my own (You stupid idiot!) – shame, “go crawl in a hole” syndrome, and oh, yes, FEAR. Need I mention continual rationalization, excuse making, back peddling, and, yes – blame shifting. Such an irresponsible rascal I am. Or am I? Maybe so – maybe not? I don’t have the answers anymore.
I think, too, that having the answers or thinking that I had the answers felt powerful. UMMM? Now is there anything wrong with needing to experience a sense of personal power? I think not. Oh, dear? Did I answer my question? Am I regressing? Wait don’t panic! “I think not.” – that’s a thought not an answer. It is my thought. It is a valid, worthy thought. It is mine, and I have a right to express it. Now that is powerful! It is not power over anyone, anything, or any bit of information. It is empowerment from within – real personal power.
Yep, I do believe I have learned. I’ve learned I don’t like crawling into holes. They are dark, musky, and cramped – oh, my legs. I don’t like hearing “You stupid idiot!” I was not created to carry a weight of shame. I am no longer comfortable rationalizing or making excuses. I do not like irresponsibly shifting blame. I choose to no longer live in fear – fear of being wrong, fear of not looking good or smart, fear of experiencing no power in, over, and through my life.
Long ago a fellow by the name of Paul wrote to his dear friend Timothy, “For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind.” (II Timothy 1:7 KJV) Yes, I have learned. Today from the empowerment of God within I share only thoughts, not answers. Thoughts that are, for the most part, the careful considerations of a sound mind. Thoughts shared openly out of love and not harbored in fear.
Oh, yes! I wonder. I think thoughts. I ask questions. Are there any answers? I think not – Save One. Just a thought!