Leaving the Church

abandoned-church_wordsNote:  In the spring of 2015 I made one of the most difficult decisions of my spiritual pilgrimage.  I left the church congregation that I had been a part of for almost fifteen years.  Below is the letter I read aloud to my Sunday School group and sent to my pastor and church staff informing them that I was leaving and why I was leaving as well as why it was important to me that they know why I would no longer be attending.  Unfortunately, I have not been able to find a truly inclusive, welcoming and affirming congregation in my area, and admittedly, I often miss the corporate worship and fellowship.  My current worship usually occurs on the hiking trail, in the kayak, or while sitting in my back porch swing listening to the birds and watching the squirrels play.  I find fellowship on those occasions I am blessed to sit with  friends and share our lives and stories.

April 26, 2015

Dear

       It is with both sadness and hopefulness that I share with you that this is my last Sunday to be with you in Sunday School and worship at First Baptist Church. After wrestling – praying and seeking discernment — with this decision for several months, my Lord has given me clarity and peace with the decision. I leave with no animosity or ill will toward anyone. I am truly grateful for my years (13 or 14, I forget) at First Baptist and the fellowship with the singles group. Each of you has blessed my life in tremendous ways! I hope and pray that blessing has been mutual.

      I want to share with you the reason(s) for my leaving. Far too often in our lives and fellowship folks just disappear or quit showing up, and we are left confused and questioning as to “what happened.” I don’t want to do that. I value personal authenticity and the integrity of our relationships far too much to just disappear. Some of you know, or after fourteen years have figured it out, that I am gay. I really prefer to refer to myself as a woman and a committed christian who happens to have a same-sex orientation. Lou Anne and I have been in a loving, committed, monogamous covenant relationship for over fourteen years.

      It has become increasingly difficult for me to maintain a continued sense of personal integrity and authenticity as a member of First Baptist knowing the public stance that the church, our pastor, and the Southern Baptist Convention as a whole has taken on same-sex relationships.   As one who believes firmly in the traditional Baptist concept of “soul competency” or “soul liberty,” I truly respect everyone’s freedom to follow their conscience or soul dictates in matters of religion, theology, and scripture interpretation. As I shared with our pastor in May 2012, we truly have Unity through Christ – His love for us, our love for Him, and our desire to share His love with the world – and unity does not mean nor require uniformity in thought and/or action. So, to maintain my sense of personal integrity and authenticity, I believe it is better that I seek a more inclusive, affirming congregation whose beliefs and public stance regarding same-sex relationships are similar to my own than to remain at First Baptist.

     Also, for the sake of the fellowship here at First Baptist, I believe it is better that I leave. Over the last fourteen years I have placed my focus on Christ, His love and His work in our lives, and I have remained mostly silent on my life and my beliefs regarding sexual orientation. The one time I did speak out in a somewhat public forum that was separate from the church, I was promptly removed from Sunday School teaching and leadership responsibilities.   I cannot continue to edit my life and remain silent. I know that issues around same-sex orientation and relationships can be divisive. Families, congregations, even full denominations have become contentious and split over these issues. So, in the grand scheme of things, I believe it is better to leave First Baptist, than to stay and possibly risk creating conflict.

       Be assured that my heart’s desire for us – each of you, First Baptist, and myself – is that we continue to be the church, the body and presence of Christ in and to the world.

In Christ’s Love,

Brenda McWilliams

 

 

Posted on November 16, 2016, in A Pilgrim, Christianity, Ethics, INCLUSION, LGBT, Seeker, Spirituality, Uncategorized and tagged , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink. 4 Comments.

  1. Wow. I knew Lou Anne’s story but not yours. I knew I was gay at 12. I did not face a crisis of conscious concerning my sexual orientation until I became a Christian at age 33. Since i also had active alcohol and drug addictions, and an unbiblical worldview, I had a great need for renewing of my mind.
    The first church i was in was a Presbyterian Church of America, ultraconservative. Then I was in a Southern Baptist. All in Oklahoma. When I returned to Texas I as loosely affiliated with a Methodist Church. My being single and in bad health made it easy to just leave the gay issue on the back burner. It wasn’t until I moved to East Texas and joined the Facebook Page: Christian Lesbians (You Can Be Both), that I reconciled within myself and with my Lord that i could be both. I also have not found an affirming church congregation in this area.
    The American church denominations are doing a great disservice to the LGBT community. It was a difficult challenge for me to reconcile the two. I cannot fathom the trauma that it unfairly places on our LGBT youth. The LGBT community seems to be the last group toward which American Christians hurl unrestrained discrimination.

  1. Pingback: BGCT – Welcoming but not affirming | PSHeretic

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