Author Archives: psheretic
It’s Spring!
As much as we think we know all about the turning of the seasons, this phenomenon is still, in my way of thinking, an inexplicable combination of science, the natural world, and the creative power in the universe that is truly beyond our knowing. Spring is a favorite season for me. I marvel in the renewed life that abounds in nature and in me. Spring is the evidence of things hoped for and the promise of restoration and renewal of life — especially after this winter of extremes and discontent. It is indeed a resurrection from the dead, a display of the presence of a Higher Power.
I remain in awe that the seasons do turn, turn, turn, and I am thankful!
PS Heretic
PS: I recommend scrolling through the photos as you listen to the music.
Here Comes the Sun!
I really have been off lately. Not just “off” as in off from work or away. But “off” as in out of sync, feelings of angst, generally disgruntled, and a pervasive sense of agitation. When I experience times like this — and I have before, probably will again, and I would think others have as well –I fall back on an old tool I have used in counseling and times of personal reflection. I call it “ask and answer.” It is simply asking yourself the question and listening for the answer that bubbles up from within. I often shared with counselees that no one knows our answers better than we ourselves. In times of self reflection, inspection, and questioning our best guess is usually our best answer.
So, I asked and listened for my answer! What I heard, felt, sensed –no, I am not experiencing auditory hallucinations – was “Too busy! Too much time doing things for others – people, organizations, agencies – and not enough quiet time working on and doing the things you want/need to do.” Yep, probably right on! Plus, the weather has been a bummer. Spring weather is way overdue here in East Texas. Where is the sun??
Well, “Here Comes The Sun!” Yes, it was sunny a couple of days ago – not warm, but sunny – and I spent most of the day outside doing yardwork. Yardwork is good therapy – at least it is for me. I immerse myself in the work, mundane as it is, and feel relaxed, serene, and peaceful. In experiences such as this I am reminded of Brother Lawrence’s The Practice of the Presence of God. Many years ago as I first read this little book, I was taken aback by the idea that “the most excellent method he had found of going to God was in doing our common business without any view of pleasing man, and (as far as we are capable) purely for the love of God.” As I continue on this pilgrimage, I find that practicing the presence of God, in those times that I am going about the ordinary, the mundane, “our common business” are the best times.
Thankfully, I am feeling a bit more in sync and less disgruntled and agitated. As I continue my pilgrimage I will, once again, strive to be more aware of God’s presence in all that I do for others, organizations, agencies, as well as those things I do for myself while keeping a reasonable balance among all this “common business.” And, as Spring is certain to arrive, late though it is, I will be able to say and sing “Here Comes the Sun!”
There is no more “News” media: 100,000 people protested on Saturday, and we never heard about it.
I don’t normally reblog other folks stuff, but this caught my eye and raised my blood pressure! One of my irritants these days is the media and how our so-called journalists are not reporting the NEWS. What we get is a bunch of editorializing and pandering to politicians, celebrities, and big corporations — dah, THE MONEY. Ethical journalism seems to be the exception as opposed to the rule in today’s media world. Also, my partner and I were in North Carolina last June doing some speaking engagements when the good folks of NC began their Moral Monday protest against the shenanigans and bad legislation coming out of Raleigh. We admired their spirit and grit! Well they are are at it again by the hundreds of thousands and our national “news” media did not cover the event. What can we say? What can we do? Maybe if folks in other states (Kansas, AZ, Idaho, Oklahoma, TX for starters) pulled off protest on the same day and on the same scale as the North Carolina group then, maybe, just maybe, the media folks would wake up and cover the real “news” for a change. Just a thought! I’m done ranting, for now!
PS Heretic
That is a picture of around one hundred-thousand people marching through Raleigh this past Saturday, protesting a whole raft of screw-everybody-but-rich-white-male-Repub laws that are being foisted upon the populace by North Carolina’s 100% Teapublican government. And here is a link to more such pictures. Oh, and here is another link to a local report.
And did you hear about this on the national “news” programs, Gentle Reader? No, you did not. You heard about the Olympics, various celebrity peccadillos, a politician’s 1990’s sex life, and lots of finger-pointing tripe from Congress.
It is apparently too much to expect our Infotainment industry to cover a huge grass-roots march by ordinary people, asking for ordinary things, in an ordinary way. You see, the “news” media is no longer about news, and hasn’t been since the 1970’s. The Reaganistas deregulated the media , making truth play second fiddle to profits. Second fiddle, Hell…
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A Letter: Over a Decade Ago
Author’s Note: In 2001 I was part of a small group of TEN who were members and supporters of the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship (CBF), who met on numerous occasions to dialogue with one another on issues of homosexuality and what CBF and CBF churches might want to do to become more supportive of LGBT members and families of LGBT persons. We wanted to offer educational and informational sessions for church leaders and encourage dialogue within and among church members. We met with very little success in 2001. (See the Endnote!) The following is a letter I wrote to the group leader in August 2001. I believe it still rings true in many ways and reveals an important part of my spiritual journey.
Dear Susanne,
I am writing in response to your asking for dialogue regarding homosexuality. Honestly, I struggle with writing this. There is a part of me that is weary of the debate that has raged for years. Denominations, churches, families, and individual souls have been splintered and shattered. We have built walls from the foundations of our differences to protect and promote ourselves and our individual and congregational beliefs. We have dissected and reexamined scripture. We have studied anew the Hebrew and Greek lexicons. We have devised “answers and cures” when in actuality there are none. And, still the debate rages and the schism remains. Yes, I am weary.
The part of me that writes today is urged to do so out of encouragement and hope in dialogue as opposed to debate. Can we at long last seek to relate and build bridges from the foundations of our similarities, primarily our atonement, our “at-one-ment” in and through Jesus Christ. Only Christ can bring us into true fellowship with Him and one another – and only if we are willing. So today, Susanne, I subjugate my weariness to my willingness and seek to dialogue.
We all have a story. Claiming and reclaiming, telling and retelling our stories heals us, affirms and confirms us, and connects us to one another. Regardless of the individual and unique experiences in our lives, these experiences evoke emotions common to all, though varied in levels of intensity and expression. It is in these common emotions and the shared experience of them that we can come to know and accept one another and ourselves more fully. I will share a bit of my story, where I am today and how I came to this place in my life.
I am a 51 year old homosexual woman. I struggled with attraction to girls from the time I was 12 or 13. Even before this I felt different. I was the little girl who wore the worn, dirty jeans in the heat of a Texas August. I treasured the pocket knife, rocks, and pieces of string that weighted my pockets. I was incensed that I couldn’t play baseball or football with the boys. I couldn’t go to work with my father as my brother did. I was told, “The farm tractor and dirty truck cab full of hired hands is not a place for a little girl.”
When the other girls were looking at, talking about, and giggling about the boys, I was looking at and thinking about the other girls. I felt alone and on the outside. I had no close friends. I harbored my thoughts and my fears about myself. As a freshman in high school I recall hearing such words as “fairy” and “queer” and looking them up in that large unabridged dictionary in the library. I did this, of course, with as much subtlety and discreetness as possible for a fourteen year old.
I felt that something was terribly wrong with me. I was so ashamed of my thoughts and feelings about the girls. Of course, I never acted on these. I busied myself doing all the good, right, and seemingly expected things – church activities, outstanding academic achievement, extracurricular activities, obeing my parents and being the “good” girl. On the outside I was the model student and daughter. On the inside I was miserable, lonely, and terribly ashamed of myself.
Suffice it to say that I struggled for many years with these feelings. It was a struggle that numerous times took me to the depths of depression, the brink of suicide and the doors of insanity. I can share more of my story at some other time, if you like, but after years of struggle, thinking I was “healed,” and considering myself as ex-gay, I have come to accept the reality that I am homosexual, and I am loved and accepted by my heavenly Father just as I am. Having arrived at this point in my life, I know more peace—the absence of conflict and unity with Christ—than I ever imagined possible.
I recently was introduced to a quote from Boris Pasternak’s “Dr. Zhivago”
Your health is bound to be affected if, day after day, you say the opposite
of what you feel,…Our nervous system isn’t just fiction; it’s part of our
physical body, and our soul exists in space, and is inside us, like the teeth
in our mouth. It can’t be forever violated with impunity.
This observation rings true for me. I know the years of struggle and falseness certainly took a toll on my physical, mental and spiritual health. I have been in a time of healing, renewal, and growth for several years now. I seek only to live in truth, integrity (my outside matching my inside), and commitment in every aspect of my life.
Well, Susanne, I have gone on far too long. There is more story and my heart yearns to share more of how Christ has worked in my life to bring about reconciliation among my soul, my spirit in union with His, and my sexuality.
God bless you in your work to bring dialogue and reconciliation to this heretofore debate.
Endnote: In April 2012 the Cooperative Baptist Fellowship along with The Center for Theology and Public Life at Mercer University sponsored a three day conference, The Baptist Conference on Sexuality & Covenant. The conference convened in Decatur, Georgia, and was attended by well over 400 people. Lou Anne and I attended the conference. It was both humbling and refreshing to be a part of such a dialogue even if it did come over a decade after our first small group of TEN. You can read more about the conference here.
The Gospel According to Facebook — Book Review
The Gospel According to Facebook: Social Media and the Good News
An Invitation to Think
With our lives being ever more submerged in advancing waves of technologies, intertwined in the far flung tentacles of the internet, and wrapped in the virtual, non-virtual society of Facebook and other social media, it should come as no surprise that the spiritual realm of our lives would ultimately be impacted, shaped, and/or reshaped by this perfect storm. In The Gospel According to Facebook: Social Media and the Good News, Bruce Joffe, communications professor and pastor, has combined his knowledge of both communications and spiritual matters and given us a glimpse into this emerging Facebook Gospel.
In essence Dr. Joffe has given us two books or a book in two parts. In the first part, “The Gospel According to Facebook: A New Testament,” Joffe delves into both communication and scriptural principles. He offers a well thought out and informative discussion of the message, the meaning, the messenger, and the medium and their impact on whether a “message” is truly “communicated” i.e. if and how well it is understood, does it elicit the intended purposes, does it become a standard, does it develop a following. (Following – there’s a Facebook word for you!) Joffe reports that by September 2011 Facebook had “reached over 750 million users in the world.” Wow! What a medium for delivering a multitude of messages with unique meanings from a diverse group of messengers! In “A New Testament” he offers some interesting and insightful commentaries on several issues of spiritual import – how we come before God; how we view God – large and full of grace or small and restricted by rules and regulations; the need for and value in sharing one’s spiritual journey; gender and sexual identity; and social justice in the kingdom of God. I thought his scriptural exegesis fresh and refreshing, and well, progressive. After all, Joffe openly states that he “considers himself a progressive Christian.”
Also, in “A New Testament” Joffe addresses issues of church per se with a provocative discussion of church branding and a challenge for churches to truly be welcoming, inclusive, and affirming of all. Are church and churches, as we have known them. “old wine skins” that no longer fit? Joffe proposes that the gospel according to Facebook is a gospel of love, grace, compassion, inclusion of all peoples, forgiveness, relationships over rules, and actions of social justice. He rallies this Facebook gospel around well known and often quoted traditional Old and New Testament scripture:
What does the Lord require of you but to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with your God? –Micah 6:8
Thou shalt love the Lord thy God with all thy heart, and with all thy soul, and with all thy mind. This is the first and great commandment. And the second is like unto it, Thou shalt love thy neighbor as thyself. Jesus in Matthew 22:37-39 (In the Old Testament these same commandments are expressed in the law found in Deuteronomy 6:5 and Leviticus 19:18)
Joffe suggests it’s time for new wine skins and new wine as the growing Facebook spiritual community seeks to do church differently even as “All Christian denominations and traditions are on the threshold of change and conflict, juxtaposing what their founders and followers traditionally have held sacrosanct with what God and God’s people find themselves believing today.”
“Social Media and the Good News”, Part Two of The Gospel According to Facebook is primarily a compilation of various sayings, quotes, and postings, titled “Collected Wisdom and Proverbs, that Joffe has gleaned from the Facebook spiritual community. He does, however, preface these with some remarks and illustrative Biblical scriptures that seem to support his thesis that “truth and reality in the Bible doesn’t mean that everything in its pages is necessarily factual,” nor are all its edicts relevant or worthy of being taken literally in today’s culture and context. For example: “Don’t cut your hair on the sides of your head or trim your beard.” – Leviticus 19:27 That doesn’t work today!
The collected wisdom and proverbs are of a mixed sort. Some are pithy. Some profound. Some both pithy and profound. Some are quite poignant; others rather humorous in a thoughtful kind of way. All are thought provoking, if one is inclined to think. Some might stir one to tears; hopefully, others will stir one to action. I would not recommend they be read one after another as I did in reading for review, but that they be read singly, perhaps one a day, with thoughtfulness, personal reflection, and consideration for application when appropriate. I will mention only a few here:
“Any prejudice, whether it is based on race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, cult or ritual purity, is finally nothing but a dagger aimed at the very heart of this gospel that arises from Jesus’ life.” — Bishop John Shelby Spong
If we could look into the hearts of others and understand the hardships that every one of us faces daily, I think that we would treat each other with more gentleness, patience, tolerance and care.
Never forget the three powerful resources you always have available to you: love, prayer, and forgiveness.
Sometimes, God calms the storm . . . sometimes God lets the storm rage and calms His children. (I have had this on my refrigerator for years!!)
And a final one:
According to the Bible, all of mankind descended from one man and one woman. . . who had two sons. Think about it. Take all the time that you need.
Now that grabs one’s attention and surely would initiate some thinking particularly if the information presented is assumed to be all the information. However, it is not all the information. According to Genesis 5:6, “And the days of Adam after he had begotten Seth were eight hundred years: and he begat sons and daughters.” Given this added information, one would have to assume that all of mankind descended from multiple incestuous relationships. Now that thought is just as distasteful in today’s society as the “two sons” quip is impossible. That brings one back to Joffe’s thesis that the edicts, practices, and traditions espoused in the Bible are not all applicable, appropriate, nor relevant in today’s society and culture.
Do read Bruce Joffe’s The Gospel According to Facebook: Social Media and the Good News, and think about it. Take all the time that you need!
Random Things About PS
1. I am a procrastinator. Start strong, sometimes struggle to finish.
2. I have two grown sons. I am a proud Mama!
3. I love this song!
4. I think/ponder a lot. Maybe that contributes to my procrastination.
5. I have an affinity for turtles. I collect turtles — not live ones! They are like me, or am I like them? Slow to move, but they/I eventually stick their/my neck out and move!
6. I have taught English and Spanish. I speak English okay. Spanish–not so well.
7. I enjoy reading. I am a slow reader.
8. I seek to follow the teachings of Jesus.
9, I enjoy nature and being outside.
10. I have served as a school counselor — 700+ lovely 3rd, 4th, and 5th graders on one campus. I knew all their names. I worked at it!
11. I am a survivor and I like this song
12. Did I say I have a strange sense of humor. Hey, at least I have one!
13. I have been divorced for 25 years.
14. I respect all faith traditions.
15. I love to dance and I love this song.
16. Favorite quote:
Dance as though no one is watching you,
Love as though you have never been hurt before,
Sing as though no one can hear you,
Live as though heaven is on earth. —Souza
17. I want to know and be known.
18. I am in a long term, committed relationship with a woman.
19. I enjoy the serenity of flat water kayaking. Younger days is was white water.
20. I’d rather take a hike than watch a movie.
21. I am more an introvert than extrovert, and I do love a good party.
22. Twenty years ago I was diagnosed with Multiple Personality Disorder (MPD). Now the psychiatric community call it DID — Dissociative Identity Disorder. Yea, I would not believe it either had I not experienced it.
23. I like to eat! Hard to have a favorite.
24. I have served as a volunteer chaplain.
25. I struggle with old habits sometimes — people pleasing.
26. Did I say I like turtles? Again, maybe like me — sometimes seen as hard on the outside, but soft on the inside.
27. I love the ocean and mountains. I am humbled by their vastness and majesty.
28. I’m an adult. I like being a kid at times.
29. I can play the piano with lots of practice, but still not well.
30. I am in awe of the mystery of life and the universe.
31. I believe names are important. That’s why I worked at learning 700+ school children’s names.
32. My real name is Brenda. You can call me Brenda or PS.
Serendipity, Coincidence, Karma, Spirit??
Go Rest High on That Mountain
Serendipity, Coincidence, Karma, Spirit?
Earlier this afternoon I was walking on the treadmill as the temperature outside was/is much too cold to be enjoyable. I was clipping along at a mere three mile an hour pace and not my usual three and half per hour as I was reading from the iPad perched atop the trusty clear plastic book holder resting on the treadmill dash. The clear plastic book holder is essential as it allows me to see just how fast and how many calories I am burning as I continue my lightening speed walk. I was reading a review copy of The Gospel According to Facebook: Social Media and the Good News. I was having a bit of difficulty reading the book, none of which has anything to do with the content of the book – the PDF format and my ineptness with the iPad. Apparently, I have yet to adequately refine my tap, touch, scroll, swish, and flip skills. Touch anything anywhere and everything moves or disappears!
I found myself repeatedly having to start over and scroll through pages of content to locate where I was in my reading. Suddenly the screen again went black and I could not retrieve the book. With somewhat of a bit of frustration – not extreme because I was beginning to tire from walking – I stepped off the treadmill. However, as I did I began to hear music and was confused as to its origins – TV off, radio off, stereo off. I then realized the music was coming from the iPad, turned around, took it off the treadmill, and turned the volume up. The music was familiar. The screen was still black. As I continued to listen, I recognized the tune as “Go Rest High on That Mountain” by Vince Gill. I recognized it because it was the one song my Dad had requested to be played at his funeral. And it was played at his funeral service on October 31, 2012. It is a song that has become very special to me over the last fifteen months.
With a few more random touches and taps on the black screen the iTunes Radio app appeared and revealed an image of Vince Gill and his When Love Finds You album cover while the song continued to play. But, how did it get there? I have never used the music button on the iPad, and the only time I have used the iTunes app is to purchase a couple of kid’s games for the granddaughter. I’m still scratching my head on that one! I continued to listen to the song, thinking about Dad, and asking how and why that song. Whoa! Out of the blue, “What day is it?” Today is January 28, 2014. Dad died, passed away, transitioned – however we choose to express it – on the 28th day of the month, October 28, 2012, to be exact. Dad’s song inexplicably starts playing on my iPad fifteen months to the day after his death. Now what is going on there?? I must admit it feels just a little weird!
I really have no idea. I do know that in this pilgrim’s journey I have learned to view such unusual occurrences as more spiritual events as opposed to mere serendipity or coincidence. Whether that be true or not, the mere perception of a spiritual moment cultivates and enriches the discernment of the Spirit within me, the Spirit outside of me, and the Spirit surrounding my life. And for today, the spirit of my Dad spoke to me in a very special, unique way. For all these things I am thankful.
Now, if I can just get the book to come back up – a small thing indeed!
A Winter Hike!
Note: In December 1992 I took a winter hike — a hike that had considerable impact on my spiritual journey and influenced my future interactions with people and my surroundings. In all honesty I WAS probably your Type A personality attending to details, task oriented, and focused on “getting the job done.” The winter hike was an experience that I will never forget as I realized the importance and value of looking up and around, taking time to be aware, and experiencing the fullness of the moment whether that moment be filled with breathtaking joy or gut wrenching agony. After the hike I learned that we were in Queen’s Canyon and the falls is called Dorothy Falls. I picked up the photos from <wwwlamsonadventures.com/queenscanyon/ You will discover why as you read the story. They are a fairly good representation of what the hike was like with the exception that there was more snow on the ground during the hike than in the photos.
“In the name of God, stop a moment, cease your work, look around you. –Leo Tolstoy
A Winter Mountain Hike
Last December I had the opportunity to be at the Glen Eyrie Conference Center just outside of Colorado Springs, Colorado, in the foothills of the Rocky Mountains. This was my first time to be in mountains of this type, and I was quite awed by the whole spectrum of mountain majesty.
The week was filled with conference activities; however, one afternoon was left open for us to have a bit of free time. There were several options as to how to spend that afternoon. We could go into town to do some sightseeing and/or shopping. We could take a narrated tour of the conference facility. We could take a hike, or we could take a nap. My friend and companion for the conference, Judy, and I decided to take a hike. We were eager to be outside and wanted the physical activity after several days of sitting. Also, the hike to the end of a small adjacent canyon was highly recommended. The waterfall at the end was said to be a splendid sight.
Judy and I stuck with our original plan to hike even though the weather during the day continued to worsen. It had snowed intermittently throughout the week and with the continuous below freezing temperature there was a mounting accumulation of snow and ice everywhere. Walking about was becoming a bit more treacherous. As we began our hike toward the end of the canyon the sun was shining. It was cold, and there was a slight but harsh wind. We had prepared with hiking boots, double socks, long thermal underwear, heavy coats, earmuffs, scarves, mufflers, and gloves. Off we went! It was mid-afternoon, the sun was shining, and we had a mere one and one-half mile round trip hike before us.
We were told that there was a well-marked path to follow, and if the marked path was not obvious simply follow the small stream that flowed down the canyon. The path was easy to find and follow. There were sections along the first portion of the trail that were actually catwalks built to make traversing some small ravines easier. This was not too hazardous; however, there were a couple of times that I was thankful for the handrails as I slipped on patches of snow and ice. We were thoroughly enjoying ourselves, chatting about the sights and sounds of the running water, and occasionally reminding one another of the need to be careful. Judy was in the lead, and I was following.
As we concluded what I would consider the bottom quarter of our journey, I noticed that the catwalks and handrails ended, the path became less obvious, the incline became more obvious, and I became much more aware of the effort and exertion required. It was necessary that we keep our eyes on the path and watch our footing. The path was rocky, and although the snow enhanced the beauty of the terrain and the crunch under foot was a delight to our ears, it made the path slightly deceptive. I found myself testing every step unless I was able to place my feet exactly in Judy’s steps. This did not happen too often as she is built a bit different than I, and I often find myself taking two steps to her one.
The stream that the path “followed” was in essence a part of the path itself as we crossed it numerous times weaving from one side of it to the other. The hike would have been much shorter had we been able to simply travel in a straight line. Crossing the stream was perhaps the greatest challenge. Keeping my balance, trying to keep my feet dry, and testing the rock or log I chose to step on for firmness might be considered an athletic feat as well as a work of art. The stream crossings were most assuredly those times I tried to follow right in Judy’ steps. We both had our share of slips, stumbles, and near falls, some of which went unnoticed by the other and those noticed always followed by a concerned, “Are you okay?” and the gentle reminder to be careful. I remember at one of the crossings the rock I stepped on turned, and the slip gave me such a fright that I actually released a stunted scream.
At some point during the first half of our excursion. I became more acutely aware of my growing exertion and decided that I had to stop for a few moments. When I did, I straightened my body, raised my head, and looked up. What I saw was a sight like I had never seen before. My response was “Oh, Wow! Judy, look up.” The towering red rock walls on the east side of the canyon glistened in the afternoon sun in stark contrast to the cold we felt in the shadow of the western wall. It felt as if the canyon walls went straight up and touched the flawless blue sky. Almost immediately after catching the beauty of the sight, I was disappointed that I did not have my camera. I had dropped and broken it just prior to our leaving on our hike. The disappointment was abated by the assurance that I would always have the memory of this experience and its exquisite images in my heart and mind.
We continued our trek; however, I was much more conscious of my surroundings. While negotiating the path, my attention and focus had to remain on my feet, the rocks, snow and ice, and the increasing number of small trees and limbs along the way. However, I chose to stop, look up, and marvel at the majesty around me much more frequently. “This is awesome. This is gorgeous. Look at this! I can’t believe this. I’ve never seen anything like this. Oh, wow!” These are just a sampling of the exclamations that poured forth with each look up and around. Judy was not quite as verbal, and I reminded myself that she had been here before. At one point I thought to myself, “Brenda, how many times are you going to say, ‘Oh, wow!’” My response was “As many times as I feel like it.” I was seeing and experiencing something I had never seen or experienced before, and given the limited travel I had done to this point in my life, I might not ever see or experience again. My childlike wonder and awe were acceptable both to me and to my friend.
As we continued to the end of the canyon, we met a couple of folks on their way back. One had turned back before reaching the end. The other encouraged us with “It is well worth the effort.” We might have been beginning to wonder about that, or perhaps we were just beginning to feel the effects of the cold and the climb more as we responded by asking, “How much farther is it?” We were assured that it was only a few more minutes. We continued.
The climb seemed to be getting steeper and the path a bit harder to negotiate. It was definitely colder. The stream, which had once been just that, a running stream of water, was now frozen over. The only hint of a stream was the sound of gurgling, running water beneath the layer of ice. We continued, and the anticipation of reaching our goal heightened as we could hear the rush of the waterfall. Suddenly, there it was – the boxed end of the canyon and the waterfall. However, what we saw was not the waterfall we had anticipated, but something much more beautiful and spectacular. We saw a frozen stream of water and billows of frozen mist and water spray. I described it as a cascade of angel hair. It was a snowy white set against the darkened red rock. There were a couple of smaller falls lower and to the side that seemed meek compared to the large central fall. It was a paradox of stillness and motion, for beneath the still of the icy fall and pool was the rush of the water. It was as if the sound of the water betrayed the face of the ice. We rested there sitting on a large fallen tree trunk for a few minutes. I wanted to absorb it all – the icy fall, the running water, the billows of angle’s hair, the stalwart canyon walls, and the sunlit blue sky. I lay down on the tree trunk even though it was very uncomfortable. I wanted to just look up. I wanted to see the big picture of God that He so graciously gave to me that day. I saw beauty, softness, and warmth. I saw firmness and paradox. I saw strength and steadfastness. I saw protection. I saw majesty, love, and a loving God that day because I chose to look up.
We were quiet as we rested and only spoke occasionally to point out something we saw or to affirm God’s goodness and presence. It was getting later. The whole canyon including the eastern wall was now in shadows. It was colder, and we both commented that our feet were beginning to be a little uncomfortable with the cold. The wind was picking up also. So we rebundled ourselves, particularly our faces, to protect against the wind, and headed back down the path. The hike down was much like the hike up and perhaps slightly more perilous as the descent seemed to cause a little more slipping. At one point we had to backtrack just a bit as we had taken what we thought to be the path but it went nowhere. We traversed the stream numerous times again without mishap, noted some foliage that would be pretty in a dried arrangement, and, of course, continued to look up, however, not so frequently.
Closet Cleansing
I did some closet cleaning a couple of days ago. Was that one of my “resolutions?” I don’t know about that, but it certainly needed doing. Closet cleaning is not an event that I, nor I would think anyone, yearn for with great anticipation; however, often once I am in the process I find it to be quite “cleansing.” If I am not careful, I can easily revert back to some “old ways” of holding on to stuff and things and find myself overwhelmed. In relationship to stuff and things I have tried to establish a standard. If I have not worn it or used it in two years, I don’t need it. Why on earth do I still have it?
I begin by pulling out all sorts of stuff and things and creating an absolute mess. Hey, I thought I was cleaning? In the pulling out process I ask several questions about each piece of stuff. First the two-year standard question, then if I don’t need it, could it be useful to someone else? Remember one man’s trash could be another man’s treasure, or, more to the point, another’s shirt on his back. So, there is a pile designated Goodwill or one of the many other benevolent “clothes closets” in our community. There is a pile for trash – it is worn out, does not work, or otherwise totally useless. Then there is the pile for “sentiment” things. You know, the stuff and things that memories are made of – that was so special at that time or place, blah, blah, blah. Can I bear to throw it away? As if throwing it away would erase the memory and its meaning! Really??
So I pulled out, sorted, piled and tossed stuff and things for several hours. The results, not counting my aching back, were more usable space, more order, a sense of accomplishment, and the added bonus of finding some things I had been looking for and some things that I had forgotten I had. Which brings me back to the question if I had forgotten I had them, do I really need them? Probably not!
So, what’s the connection between closet cleaning and our spiritual journey? Well, as I see it, and I don’t always see things clearly, pulling out, sorting through, and determining what to do with our stuff and things can be a grand opportunity to take stock of where we’ve been on our journey, how where we’ve been has impacted us, and where we might be headed currently. Also, stuff and things are often associated with experiences, relationships, and feelings. Did I say emotional baggage? Perhaps, emotional closets would be a more appropriate expression since we are talking about closet cleaning. Do I need to hang on to that old hurt? Is this grudge I continue to carry around helping me now? Yes, that was a wonderful time then, but do I want to spend today and the future dwelling on the past? Yes, I made a mistake at that time. Isn’t it time, now, to stop beating myself up about it? You get the point. Time to clean out all the emotional stuff and things that hinder, hurt, burden, confuse, distort, and distract us from living in the fullness of who we were created to be. Time to clear the chaos and bring in some order. Time to make room for the joy, hope, love, happiness, and, yes, the sorrow, disappointment, and struggle of each new day.
So, how is your closet? Is it time for some closet “cleansing?” Yes, it requires some effort, and the results are well worth the effort – in my opinion.
Reflections on a Resolution

It is both awesome and humbling to reach an appointed destination and look back and see the road traveled on the journey.
Teton Pass El. 8428 ft.
June21, 2998
Reflections on a New Year’s Resolution
I did actually sit down and begin this post on New Year’s Day, January 1, 2014, but was distracted and played “Tag, You’re It!” (see previous post) instead. Oh, that I had resisted the distraction! Anyway. . .
In considering the resolution thing for the New Year, I am baffled. Yes, there are some things I would like to do/accomplish in 2014, but do I really want to “resolve” to do them, or as Nike so aptly put it, “Just Do It!” My record with resolution making/keeping is mediocre at best. Hopefully yours is better! Yes, I would like to lose 15-20 lbs. Isn’t that the trendy resolution these days! I want to spend more time writing, and I really need to clean out those closets. And, I always want to spend more time outdoors kayaking and hiking, but given where I live, that usually involves more travel time. Yes, I would like to travel more in 2014! So, there you go!
But, hey! I really just want to be, be present in the moments, behold the Christ within me and those around me – be they lover, friend, family, or a stranger in the midst. Who knows what the New Year will BE – until it actually IS?
I did clean a closet yesterday and found this – a personal journal entry dated:
JANUARY 1, 1995 – Sunday
I am not much for New Year’s Resolutions. It always seemed rather peculiar. Committing to do something just because it was the beginning of a new year. But I suppose we all like the idea of a fresh start, a clean slate. My experience has been that give a week or two and the whole idea has been forgotten. The old familiar pattern of doing things has crept back in. Actually, it never was out. So, no resolutions for me!
Today as I baked cup cakes and danced around the kitchen, I felt a serge of excitement about the approaching new year. Outrageous! That’s it! No resolutions just a desire to experience life to the fullest in the new year. To live outrageously – extravagantly, remarkably, outside the bounds of the expected. Not moderately, mildly, or with mediocrity. But outrageously!
To live, love, and laugh outrageously.
To ascend to the pinnacle of joy.
To plummet to the depths of despair.
To smell the wind;
To feel the flagrant flower.
To see life in every view;
To know truth in every day.
To love sincerely, affectionately, and purely.
To honor self, others, and God in every way.
To work and serve both man and God.
And to do it all outrageously!
TO BE OUTRAGEOUS! FREE! RECKLESS! SPONTANEOUS!
That is my desire for the New Year – 1995.
Wow! That was nineteen years ago!! Looking back, I must say that 1995 was an OUTRAGEOUS year. It was a year of extravagant love and crushing loss. It was a year of intense personal struggle and soul searching. It was the year that shook the foundation of my life, my identity, and marked the beginning of a directional shift in my life and spiritual journey. It was a year that was devastating in the moment, yet invaluable and vital to who I am today. Don’t want to repeat it, but so thankful for it!
On second thought, maybe I will make that resolution for 2014:
A desire to experience life to the fullest in the new year. To live outrageously – extravagantly, remarkably, outside the bounds of the expected. Not moderately, mildly, or with mediocrity. But OUTRAGEOUSLY!
Uuuh, maybe not outrageous in the same way as 1995, but certainly outrageous for life in 2014! I can’t wait!! Just do it!










